Jennifer Goodman Linn You Fearless

Is this Really a Step Forward?

Today is Friday and I made sure to get in a good workout before Dave and I headed to MSKCC for my first treatment of Round #4.  Just as I was leaving the gym, the theme from Rocky came up on my iPod and I took it as a sign that I was ready for the fight.
The chemo was fine. It was a bit odd going back to where I spent so many months.  Although I felt liked I had changed so much in the past 6 months, I realized that little hand changed in the hospital:  the phlebotomists (aka people who take your blood) and the chemo nurses were all familiar faces and I was greeted with hugs and bittersweet expressions such as "it's so great to see you but not here...".
The chemo lounge on the 5th floor of the 53rd street clinic became my 2nd home for 16 months in the past and I am ready to make it my home again.  It is nice to be in a familiar place and I realize that there is no more "newness" to my cancer.  However, sometimes I can't help but feeling that I am on a bit of a merry-go-round that is going in circles versus pushing anything forward.  Let's hope this time is truly different!
I am getting the same two drugs as I did last time so the routine is pretty familiar and easy. The only difference is that they are giving me the drugs in a slightly different timetable so that I might be able to tolerate them more easily (same dosage just stretched out differently).
I got home at about 3PM and took a great nap. Besides a fair amount of nausea and a queasy stomach, I am feeling pretty good.  Now the steroids are kicking in and I am wide awake at 1:36AM (hence this blog posting).    I am going to try to go to back to bed.
In the meantime, I wanted to post a lovely poem that a friend sent me about cancer.  It gave me great strength and spirit as I headed to the hospital this morning.
What Cancer Can Not Do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot Suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Life
It cannot conquer the spirit