Jennifer Goodman Linn You Fearless

I am Merely Mortal After All

Cast Your Vote for Jennifer Goodman Linn in the 2010 Energizer Keep Going® Hall of Fame By Clicking Here. PLEASE VOTE 1x a DAY EVERY DAY THROUGH AUGUST 20th . GoodmanLinn I went to get blood work on Monday for Tuesday’s chemo only to find out that mycounts, platelets etc were too low to be administered the chemotherapy. In 5 years I have only been rejected 2x so this news as not only surprising but very frustrating to me. The doctors and nurses said this setback is “beyond my control” and “it’s just the result of so much chemo over the years that I am not bouncing back as quickly as I used. There is really nothing I can do to change this. How frustrating to not have more control over this important step! As a result, I am now being moved to an “every other week” schedule versus a “two weeks one, 1 week off schedule”. I would be totally fine with this if I knew the drugs were working but those results won’t be known for a few more weeks. I want to do everything I can to help my body fight this disease so I don’t like being told I can’t have as much chemo as I want (odd, but true) The irony is that when I went to get my blood work this week, I had no idea that my body was neutropenic (low blood counts which are the body’s primary defense vs. infection). I am usually pretty good at knowing how my body feels so I didn’t like that I couldn’t have predicted this. Silly me said to my team, “you know, I’ve never felt that badly from chemo before, I wonder what it’s like”. Murphy’s Law struck…last night I got a 12 hour stomach bug and was up all night with severe cramps and nausea. Because my counts were low, I had to go into the hospital because I had a low grade fever (very common when your body doesn’t have enough defenses in place to fight infection). So this week I can chose from two labels, neither of which I like…”chemo reject” or “neutropenic girl”. “What do you mean this might be the new normal for how I tolerate chemo? My urgent care doctor basically said, “After 6 years and all that you have gone through, it’s amazing that you are just having to learn this lesson now. Your body needs time to heal.” For an impatient person, “time to heal” are the worst words to hear. I mean if I could eat 7 cups of spinach daily or take a wonder pill to prevent this from happening again, I would in an instant. But it’s not that easy. Luckily I was only kept in the hospital for about 4 hours to rehydrate and now I am home with strict orders from my Doctors (and my husband) to take it easy. I have lots of movies, books and Vitamin Water to keep me company. The hardest part of all this is accepting my body’s limitations. I chalk it up to another lesson that chemo has taught me…sometimes you can’t control things and time and healing are the only things that will make one better.