Jennifer Goodman Linn You Fearless

Finding the Perfect Balance

The past few weeks have been jam-packed. I spent a week in California combining business with pleasure. I spent a few days visiting colleagues in Los Angeles and then flew to San Francisco for the weekend to catch up with lots of friends. It was so great to see my friends and meet so many of their children for the first time!  

This trip marked my first real business travel trip since I recovered from my surgery and it felt great. Although I do notice that traveling takes a lot out of me. When I returned home on t

he following Monday, I slept over 10.5 hours to recover from the jet lag!

I am doing really well. However, I am finding that the hardest part of recovering is finding the perfect balance between “moving forward” and “remembering the past.”One the one hand, I want to move beyond the cancer and jump into new activities both feet forward.On the other hand, I find that I get overwhelmed when I have too much on my plate at one time.

I find that the easiest thing to give up is taking care of oneself and I refuse to do that this time. It is so important for me to eat well and sleep well and manage my stress. It is often hard to do this when you are working a full-time job, gearing up for the 4th year of Cycle for Survival and trying to see friends and relax a bit.

It’s not my intention to complain as I know that everyone has to juggle all of the activities in their life.I just find that it has been harder for me lately to “do it all.” In order to get everything done that I want to, I need to live a very rigid lifestyle which I don’t like to do. However, I don’t want to use the cancer card and remind people that I need to prioritize and minimize my commitments. However, I find that sometimes I want to throw my hands up and say “I need to take it slow”.

It’s odd to me that I don’t have a lot of anxiety around the cancer returning but I do experience anxiety over much smaller matters (e.g. will I get all that I need to done at work?Will I be able to get all of my errands done thisSaturday?)I wonder if it is natural for patients to displace their anxiety in this way. I guess I have more control over getting my work done or completing errands than the disease so it would make sense.

I guess the bright side is that I have a very full life and have so much that I want to accomplish and get done.Since I don’t want to give anything up, I will continue to struggle with how to balance all that I do.

The irony is that when I was dealing with chemotherapy or surgery, I had no problem finding that balance. There was a clear “top priority” and nothing else seemed to matter. Now, all of the small stuff (which is fun and delightful), tends to cloud my vision. And if this is all what I have to complain about, I am truly lucky in life. Thank goodness that I have gotten to the point that I can afford to sweat the small stuff again!