Finding the Gratitude
Whenever I get very sad about my medical situation, I always try to take myself to a place of gratitude.
I think about the wonderfully rich life I have been privileged to have. I think about my beautiful husband, wonderful family, my large group of friends and all of the amazing experiences I have been given. When I think about these things, nothing seems too bad. It makes me even more committed to help myself get better so I can continue adding on to this life of mine that I love.
Being in touch with my gratitude was definitely a big part of the past week. Despite dealing with really frustrating medical news and having a lot of “highs and lows” as we spoke with Dr’s and got rejected from studies etc., Dave and I managed to get to Chicago for 36 hours to attend a family Bar Mitzvah. It was really good medicine to see Dave’s family and take our mind off of my medical issues.
And there were a few wonderful highlights when we returned from Chicago as well. I had the opportunity to speak in front of about 500 survivors and care givers as part of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center’s annual survivorship day which was a truly special experience. And just yesterday my brother’s son Ben became a Bar Mitzvah and Dave and I got to partake in his special day.
I find that if I don’t truly appreciate the happiness of those moments, I am not strong enough to handle the difficulty of my medical situation. If we don’t experience the lowest of lows, we never appreciate the highest of highs. Dealing with my cancer challenges has definitely made me appreciate so much that life has to offer.
After a LONG week of exploration and working with A LOT of different Dr’s from around the world, it looks like we are getting close to a plan. I will be starting a trial this week in either Boston or NJ. The drug is a 24-hour infusion and if it works, I would be given the drug 1x every 3 weeks. We are truly, truly hoping that this shrinks or stabilizes my tumors. If this doesn’t work, we are lined up to go to Switzerland down the road for another type of treatment that isn’t yet approved in the U.S. yet (in trials only).
What’s challenging at this stage is that we have to “sequence” our medical plans very carefully. Because I have been on so many different drugs, there are certain trials I am not eligible for or I have to be off certain drugs for a certain amount of time. So, we need to pursue medical options that we believe hold the most promise for me while not potentially eliminating me from something down the road if a treatment doesn’t work.
We are feeling good about having a plan and slowly but surely coming out of our “slumber”. And we continue to appreciate your posts on my blog and your emails and calls. Little did I know that I am creating a movement among some of Dave’s bald friends who took my “I Won’t Be Bald or Fat” blog entry literally and are now stepping up their workout routines!
I will be starting the trial on Thursday/Friday and will update next week. Your continued love and support makes finding my gratitude so easy. For this I am so thankful.