With a few weeks to go, Cycle for Survival has ALREADY surpassed last year’s total of $2.4MM. Now is the time to really make an impact. Please donate, any amount, at cycleforsurvival.org or directly to my team at http://mskcc.convio.net/goto/fearless As many of you know, I am willing to try almost anything within reason to rid myself of the cancer that invades my body. Over the years I have tried acupuncture, reflexology, reiki and cranial massage, yoga, meditation and nutritional supplements. The only thing I remember actively refusing was a very invasive “turbo greens” enema concoction (I think I’ll pass!). Lately, I have started working with a healer. When people ask me what she “does”, I have a hard time explaining…she just makes me feel like I am empowered to get rid of my cancer. Her whole philosophy is that you have the ability to heal yourself of any disease that has entered your body. She describes her work as alternative, energy “medicine” -  deep trauma and cellular release of disease from the the body. Finding the core root of the disease and releasing it from the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual bodies of which we are all formed.  This is done through psycho-energetic discussions, hands on healing techniques, holistic nutrition, visualization and exercise suggestions.  She strongly believes that if a person's spirit still has enough energy, and is willing and ready, the body will rejuvenate. She has witnessed miracles and believes truly that nothing is impossible. I was skeptical at first but she has made me realize that historically, I had a pretty adversarial relationship with my disease. I always say to folks, “I have cancer but cancer doesn’t have me”. And when people ask what is the key to my being so “zen” with regards to my situation, I often say, “I am able to separate myself from the disease.” The healer I work with has made me realize that while this is one approach that may work, it definitely is not the only one. She has encouraged me to “connect” more with my cancer. Rather than separate myself from it, acknowledge it, accept it and “nurture” it in a way . This may sound crazy to you but it makes sense to me. I was doing a really good job of disconnecting myself from the sarcoma. I wasn’t in denial but I would go to chemotherapy and watch a movie or read a book. I never truly thought about why I was there and what I hoped the chemotherapy might achieve. The mornings of all of my surgeries, I would play the theme from Rocky and vow that I was going to “crush” the cancer. I was going to “beat this battle”. But how can we really heal ourselves of something if we aren’t truly connected to it? I have come to realize that I don’t you think you can. She has helped me truly “connect” better with my disease. Now when I go to chemotherapy sessions, I visualize what the chemo is doing when it enters my body. I meditate throughout the 20 minute session and actively think about the liquid connecting with, and killing, my cancer cells. I nurture the disease. This doesn’t mean that I am grateful for it and want to be my cancer’s friend. It means that rather than look at it as a battle that I must win, I partner with it and invite the cancer to leave my body. I’ve come a long way in a few months. This is a very different approach for me but I am enjoying it. I feel much more at peace with my situation. That being said, it DOESN’T mean that I can’t acknowledge how hard chemo can be. I am on two drugs: epirubicin and temozolomide. Epirubicin is called “the red devil” and can be very toxic to your heart. Ironically, I feel OK with that drug. It’s the temozolomide that I take orally for 5 days every 3 weeks that wreaks havoc on my insides. I was having one of those days this past week…feeling sick to my stomach all day. I embraced a healing philosophy and rather than be combative, I tried to be grateful for the chemotherapy and its function in my recovery. I also wrote a song to commemorate my “not so favorite” chemo drug. I hope you enjoy it!

Temozolomide - Written to the tune of Yesterday by The Beatles

Temozolomide, I wanted to like you, I really tried.

But when I hear your name I want to run and hide.

Oh why must I take Temozolomide?

Temozolomide, I can’t believe there was a chemo I hadn’t tried.

When the Dr’s said “few side effects” they surely lied.

Oh why must I take Temozolomide?

“Why did I get cancer?”, “We don’t know”, the Dr’s sighed…

I said “I’ll do what it takes”

Now I’m stuck with Temozolomi-i-i-de

Temozolomide, you’re really helped me so I shouldn’t be snide.

The way you’re crushing my tumors fills me with pride.

I guess I’ll stick with Temozolomide

Temozolomide, together we’ve had quite the ride.

For without you I might have died.

I guess I’ll stick with Temozolomide

In amazing Cycle for Survival news, our friends Kristen and Brian hosted a satellite spin event in a suburb of Chicago with 40 spinners this past weekend. What was particularly meaningful is that the cycling instructor’s daughter is currently battling a rare form of cancer. They raised lots of $ and we are so grateful. I attached pictures for all to see! I will write again soon before the craziness of the event takes over!