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One of the many things I truly love about Dr. Maki is that he allows me to live the life I want. He refuses to let cancer get in the way of a patient’s life.

I remember the first time I met him in January, 2005 he told me that he would see me “exhausted because I was living my life to the fullest” rather than have me “live like a boy in a bubble and stay at home waiting to feel bad”. I knew at that first meeting that he was the Dr. for me! Since my original diagnosis, he has encouraged me to go the gym, go out with friends, work a full week and take trips to visit family and friends.

Many Doctors do not allow patients to travel during chemotherapy for fear that their low immunity will cause a severe infection. Dave and I were so grateful that Dr. Maki wholeheartedly agreed that it was good for our bodies and our hearts to visit Florida to celebrate Barbara and Herb’s 40^th anniversary.

We spent 5 days in a beautiful house in Ft. Myers beach with the entire Linn family and had a great time! In addition to flying kites on the beach, playing golf, visiting the Red Sox Spring Training Camp and eating a lot of ice-cream, we got to spend quality time with those we love most!

It was very hard to leave the vacation 2 days early to come back for more chemotherapy. I was angry that I had to cut a vacation short because of this annoying, inconvenient disease. I guess the only thing I would like more than a sunny family vacation is to be declared cancer-free again.

There is an angel who resides at Barry Hendrickson’s salon on 60^th and Broadway. His name is Edward and he is responsible for “outfitting” me with my wigs both times I have had the unfortunate experience of losing my hair.

Edward cut hair for over 15 years and then decided to go into the wig design business because he believed it was a way for him to produce more creative work and to “do good” by helping people who lose their hair as a result of chemotherapy treatments. He is gentle, kind and can make you look and feel fabulous at a time when you don’t feel that fabulous at all.

Although I hate to admit that I am vain, the prospect of losing my hair was a lot harder to digest this time around. The first time it was a bit of a novelty and I had NO IDEA how long it would take to grow back. I finished chemo 14 months ago and I was finally in a place where I was starting to like my hair again. I am attaching a picture so you can see what I looked like before I started chemo again.

Whereas last time I wanted very basic, functional wigs, I decided this time that I wanted to jazz things up a bit. I had so much fun trying on long, short, blonde etc. I wanted something professional and hip for my new job but also something that was cute and very easy for casual days and weekends. Edward was able to “evolve” one of my old wigs so that I could take advantage of the current “headband” trend. I went out last week and bought about 20 headbands…one for every outfit I love!

The Doctors told me that my hair would likely begin to thin and fall out about 2-3 weeks after my first does of Taxotere. Dave and I were set to be in Florida that week with his family and I was not thrilled with the idea that my hair would fall out far away from home (and from the comfort of Edward who helped shave it off last time). Sure enough, 3 days into our FloridaFort Myers. vacation, I could not wait any longer and Dave and I found a salon in

And at this salon, I met another angel named Kay. Kay had retired to Ft. Myers about 10 years prior and was a cancer survivor herself. She said just the right things and she pledged that she was channeling all of her good thoughts and wishes through the electric razor.

I am much more comfortable being bald this time around. Although I must say that I am really enjoying my new wigs!

I have completed one round of chemo and I feel really good. This time I have chemo as an out-patient at the MSKCC clinic and it is so much nicer and easier than last time when I had to spend 3 consecutive days in the hospital. The nurses are wonderful (here is a picture of me with Heather who takes care of me every week).

My chemo regimen is fairly quick and easy. I spend the first Friday getting one drug (Gemcitabine) for an hour and a half. With the free lunch I get and the Law and OrderMarathon on TNT, those 90 minutes goes by very fast! The next Friday, I receive two drugs (another dose of the Gemcitabine and Taxotere), which takes 2.5 hours. This also goes by very quickly. Then, the following Friday, I get a day off before we begin the 3 week cycle again.

Like last time, I have been acutely aware of my body and all of the symptoms and side effects that I may experience. Luckily, I have had very few, if any, real issues. The first week I hardly even notice I am on chemotherapy. I feel great, go to the gym, have a normal appetite etc. The second week becomes a bit harder because I have to take steroids with the bigger chemo dose to guard against nausea. The steroids tend to make me very hungry and give me horrible insomnia. So, I spend the first few days after the second week of chemo walking around like a zombie because I don’t sleep at night. I told my Dr. that because I have not been experiencing serious nausea, I’d like to stop taking the steroids and he is open to it. So hopefully I will start to sleep better. I still go to the gym and exercise but I tend to be a bit more “drained” this week.

My taste buds tend to change a lot during this week as well. Nothing tastes like it usually does. I have been very amused by what I like to eat and what I shun because of the taste. High on the list of “yum” are mango, pineapple, rice, steak, ice-cream and diet coke. On the list of “watch out, I’m going to barf”, are chicken, vegetables, soup and yogurt.

I was telling Dave the other day that I probably am experiencing similar symptoms to that of someone who is pregnant. I have mild night sweats and mild nausea. It’s amazing how those same symptoms are considered either “wonderful” or “terrible” based on your situation. For instance, when you’re pregnant, although it is not fun to sweat and be nauseous, you are excited and ‘welcome’ the symptoms to an extent because it means you are having a child. When you have a disease like cancer those same symptoms are viewed as “scary” or “horrible” or induce great sympathy and sadness in people. It’s ironic to me that the same exact symptoms could produce such different feelings or emotions in people. So, I’ve decided to pretend I am pregnant and that I really enjoy the symptoms! Well, not exactly but I’ve decided to not be “scared” by them and accept that this means that the drugs are doing their job and that the cancer’s days are numbered.

On Tuesday March 6^th, I experienced one of the most amazing things I have seen in a LONG time…my mom’s acting debut in a benefit performance of The Vagina Monologues!

When my mom retired about 3 years ago, she created a list of things she would love to do while she is still on this earth…and she has slowly but surely conquered every single one!

Very high on the list was to do some sort of performance. Little did she know when she joined up with the National Council of Jewish Women that the play she would be signing up for was The Vagina Monologues! Talk about an intimidating way to get your feet wet.

For those of you who are not familiar with the play, The Vagina Monologues is an award-winning episodic play written by Eve Ensler.  Ensler wrote the piece to “celebrate the vagina,” and the play is a series of monologues with women speaking about various experiences with their vagina. Ensler sees the vagina as being a tool of empowerment through which women can achieve total femininity and individuality. She claims inspiration for the piece came from Tina Turner: “I love Tina Turner. She’s a woman who fully inhabits her vagina” The purpose of the piece changed from a celebration of vaginas and femininity to a movement to stop violence against women.

My mother refused to tell anyone in my family what her role was in the play. She just said “show up and be ready!” That is exactly what we did on March 6^th and we loved every minute of it!

My mother’s monologue was entitled My Angry Vagina, a piece in which a woman humorously rants about injustices wrought against the vagina, such as tampons, douches and OB/GYN visits. She was the last monologue before the intermission and she brought the house down! Everyone around us was howling with laughter. I was so proud of my mom that I told EVERYONE around me “that’s my mom!”

It is TREMENDOUSLY inspiring to see someone succeed at something that they have never done before, especially when you know how much fear they had to overcome in order to be doing it in the first place. Even if she didn’t perform well, forgot her lines and ran off the stage crying, she would have been a star in my eyes. She made me think that if all of us got over our fears and “seized the day”, how much more we could accomplish and how much more good we could do in the world.

I loved every single minute of my mom’s theatrical debut. But the part I loved the most, and was most touched by, was my mom’s dedication in the Play Bill: “Sandy Goodman wishes to dedicate her acting debut to her feisty, courageous, beautiful daughter Jen Linn whom she so admire and deeply loves. Carpe Diem!”

I love you Mom and am so honored to learn from your example!

And now…what you’ve all been waiting for…my mom’s monologue!

The Angry Vagina

MY VAGINA'S ANGRY!

IT IS!

IT'S PISSED OFF!

MY VAGINA IS FURIOUS.

AND IT NEEDS TO TALK.

IT NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT ALL THIS SHIT.
AND IT NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU

I MEAN, WHAT IS THE DEAL?

AN ARMY OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THINKING UP WAYS

TO TORTURE MY POOR-ASS, GENTLE, LOVING VAGINA.

SPENDING THEIR DAYS CONSTRUCTING PSYCHO PRODUCTS AND NASTY
IDEAS TO UNDERMINE MY PUSSY. VAGINA MOTHERFUCKERS!

ALL THIS SHIT THEY'RE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO SHOVE UP US.

SHOVE UP US, STUFF US UP, AND MAKE US GO AWAY.

WELL, MY VAGINA'S NOT GOING AWAY

IT'S PISSED OFF AND IT'S STAYING RIGHT HERE.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOUR VAGINA'S EVER BEEN ANGRY AT? HMM.

EVER BEEN ANGRY AT?

YES, AGAIN IT ALL HAS TO DO WITH THE...

INVASIVENESS ASPECT,

WHEN IT'S NOT READY.

WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN, UM...

WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN NURTURED.

LET'S JUST BEGIN WITH TAMPONS.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

A DRY WAD OF FUCKING COTTON STUFFED UP THERE.

WHY CAN'T THEY FIND A WAY

TO SUBTLY LUBRICATE THE TAMPON?

AS SOON AS MY VAGINA SEES IT, IT GOES INTO SHOCK!

IT CLOSES UP.

IT SAYS, "FORGET IT."

YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH THE VAGINA, INTRODUCE IT TO THINGS

PREPARE THE WAY.

THAT'S WHAT FOREPLAY'S ALL ABOUT.

YOU'VE GOT TO CONVINCE MY VAGINA,

SEDUCE MY VAGINA,

ENGAGE MY VAGINA'S TRUST.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH A DRY WAD OF FUCKING COTTON!

STOP SHOVING THINGS UP ME!

STOP SHOVING AND STOP CLEANING IT UP.

MY VAGINA DOESN'T NEED TO BE CLEANED UP.
IT SMELLS GOOD ALREADY

DON'T TRY TO DECORATE.

DON'T BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE TELLS YOU

IT SMELLS LIKE ROSE PETALS,

WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE PUSSY.

THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING, YOU KNOW, TRYING TO CLEAN IT UP,

MAKE IT SMELL LIKE A BATHROOM SPRAY OR A GARDEN.

ALL THOSE DOUCHE SPRAYS.

FLORAL, BERRY, RAIN.

I DON'T WANT MY PUSSY TO SMELL LIKE RAIN!

THEN THERE'S THOSE EXAMS.

WHO THOUGHT UP THOSE EXAMS?

I KNOW THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY

WHY THE SCARY PAPER DRESS THAT SCRATCHES YOUR TITS?

WHY THE FUNKY RUBBER GLOVES?

WHY THE FLASHLIGHT ALL UP THERE,

LIKE NANCY DREW WORKING AGAINST GRAVITY?

WHY THE NAZI STEEL STIRRUPS?

WHY THE MEAN, COLD DUCK LIPS THEY SHOVE INSIDE YOU?

WHAT IS THAT?

MY VAGINA IS FURIOUS ABOUT THESE VISITS

IT GETS DEFENDED WEEKS IN ADVANCE,

IT WON'T GO OU T OF THE HOUSE.

THEN YOU GET THERE

DON'T YOU LOVE THAT?

"RELAX YOUR VAGINA. RELAX, COME ON, SCOOT DOWN, SCOOT DOWN,
RELAX YOUR VAGINA."

WHY?

MY VAGINA'S NOT STUPID.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO SHOVE MEAN, COLD DUCK LIPS UP INSIDE IT!

. IT'S JUST HORRIBLE

FIRST THING, THE ROOM IS ALWAYS VERY COLD.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SITTING THERE,

SPREADING YOUR LEGS, IT'S JUST HORRIBLE

WHAT THEY CALL A SPECULUM, OR WHATEVER THAT THING IS?

I CAN'T STAND IT,

EVEN WHEN THAT LITTLE BRUSH THING FOR THE PAP
SMEAR GOES IN THERE,

IT MAKES ME CRINGE

AND THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, DOES THIS HURT WHEN I
SQUEEZE HERE?”

WELL, YEAH.

YOU'RE SQUEEZING MY VAGINA, IT'S NOT A COMFORTABLE FEELING.

WHY CAN'T THEY FIND SOME NICE, DELICIOUS PURPLE VELVET

AND WRAP IT AROUND ME,

, LAY ME DOWN IN SOM E FEATHERY COTTON SPREAD

PUT ON SOME FRIENDLY PINK OR BLUE GLOVES,

AND REST MY FEET IN SOME FUR-COVERED STIRRUPS?

WARM UP THE DUCK LIPS!

WORK WITH MY VAGINA!

! BUT NO, MORE TORTURES

DRY WAD OF FUCKING COTTON,

, COLD DUCK LIPS

THONG UNDERWEAR!

. THAT SHIT IS THE WORST

IT IS THE WORST.

IT MOVES AROUN D ALL THE TIME.

IT GETS STUCK IN THE BACK OF YOUR VAGINA,

REAL CRUSTY BUTT.

THE VAGINA IS SUPPOSED TO BE LOOSE AND WIDE,

NOT HELD TOGETHER.

THAT'S WHY GIRDLES ARE SO BAD.

E WE NEED TO MOV

AND SPREAD AND TALK.

VAGINAS NEED TO TALK.

WHY DON'T THEY MAKE SOMETHING COMFORTABLE,

SOMETHING TO GIVE THEM PLEASURE. OF COURSE THEY WON'T DO THAT

THEY HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE

TO SEE A WOMAN HAVING PLEASURE.

PARTICULARLY SEXUAL PLEASURE.

I SAY, MAKE A NICE PAIR OF WHITE COTTON UNDERPANTS

WITH A FRENCH TICKLER BUILT IN.

THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.

WOMEN WOULD BE COMING ALL DAY.

COMING IN THE SUPERMARKETS.

"GIVE ME THE JUICE."

THEY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO STAND IT.

SEEING ALL THESE ENERGIZED, NOT-TAKING-SHIT,

HOT, HAPPY VAGINAS COMING DOWN THE STREET.

IF MY VAGINA COULD TALK...

IT WOULD TALK ABOU T ITSELF LIKE ME.

IT WOULD TALK ABOU T OTHER FABULOUS VAGINAS

IT WOULD DO VAGINA IMPRESSIONS.

IT WOULD WEAR HARRY WINSTON DIAMONDS,

NO CLOTHING.

JUST THERE, ALL DRAPED IN THE DIAMONDS.

MY VAGINA HELPED RELEASE A GIANT BABY.

IT THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DOING MORE OF THAT. IT'S NOT.

NOW IT WANTS TO TRAVEL.

IT DOES NOT WANT A LOT OF COMPANY.

IT WANTS TO READ AND KNOW THINGS AND GET OUT MORE.

IT WANTS SEX.

IT LOVES SEX.

IT WANTS TO GO DEEPER.

IT'S HUNGRY FOR DEPTH.

IT WANTS KINDNESS.

IT WANTS CHANGE.

IT WANTS SILENCE AND FREEDOM

AND GENTLE KISSES AND WARM LIQUIDS

AND DEEP TOUCH.

IT WANTS CHOCOLATE

IT WANTS TO SCREAM

IT WANTS TO STOP BEING ANGRY!

IT WANTS TO COME.

IT WANTS TO WANT.

IT WANTS.

MY VAGINA, IT WANTS,

IT WANTS EVERYTHING.

So, on to the good news…when it rains it pours! Right after I found out about my cancer, I got a really exciting job opportunity that I did not want to pass up.

Ordinary people would never think about switching jobs right after they found out they had a cancer relapse but I decided long ago that I am not ordinary!

I approached my prospective boss and explained my situation to her (and the company). It was a great litmus test to see how comfortable I would feel in the company and how supportive they were of employees in general when challenges arose. The great news is that they could not have been more willing to help me through my “condition”. After I heard their response, I decided to accept.

So, as of April 16th, I will be starting as the VP, Marketing for Ann Taylor Corp. I will be overseeing both the Ann Taylor and Loft brands and basically be in charge of helping the company “present” themselves to the public.

I am thrilled by the opportunities that this job promises (not to mention the great discounts!). For those of you who know me well, this is a real dream job. Not only is it a meaty marketing role (and I love marketing!) but it is with a company with which I have a strong affinity. About half of my wardrobe is Ann Taylor or Loft so dressing for the interview was so easy! My mother-in-law jokingly said that she wanted to write a letter of recommendation for me because every year for my birthday or for Chanukah she buys me something from their stores because she knows I will love it.

Another exciting thing about this job offer is that it really helps me to focus on the positive. When faced with the question of whether or not I should jump into the “unknown” when I am just beginning another round of treatment, I realized something very important. I strongly believe that the reason I have handled my diagnosis and my treatments over the past 2.5 years so well is because I have not let cancer “own” me. I have no regrets. Sure, I’ve missed a short vacation here or there and sometimes I chose not to go to a specific social event. However, I really have no reason to hate cancer because it hasn’t prevented me for doing anything I really want to do. I realized at this “cross roads” that if I did not accept this dream job, I would view cancer as an obstacle and as something that has created a barrier towards helping me achieve what I want. This would definitely affect my positive attitude and give me a real reason to hate this disease. For me, I’d rather continue to live life the way I want to and make cancer “fit in” versus the other way around.

I don’t start until mid April so I have 3 weeks to relax and just “enjoy”. Dave and I are traveling to Florida with the Linns for his parents’ 40th anniversary and I have lots of plans to connect with old friends etc. Stay tuned for more!

On February 16th, 19 days after we raised over $200,000 for cancer research, I found out my cancer had recurred. I had my routine quarterly CT scan and the results showed that two cancerous tumors have reappeared in the same general region as the first ones (the back of my stomach, near my pancreas).

To say we were shocked was an understatement. "What do you mean my cancer is back? I wrapped that up 13 months ago!" We all knew that 80% of sarcoma recurrences occur within the first 2-3 years, and that I wasn't out of the woods for at least 3 years. So, although stats might reveal that my recurrence was not surprising at all, I had moved on and was not ready for this! Cancer was a very big part of my life, and I knew it always would be, but cancer and I had finally made peace with each other. It no longer kept me up at night worrying. When I had a stomach ache, I no longer IMMEDIATELY thought my tumors were back. And my hair was FINALLY looking good. THIS ABSOLUTELY SUCKS!

I joked around with Dave that this was God's way of telling me I shouldn't have spent $50 on an expensive bottle of hair conditioner last week (I couldn't help it, I finally have hair again!)

I spent a week after I found out angry, pissed, sad etc. and then I got ready for yet another fight. The first time I had cancer, it felt a bit like a "novelty". Getting ready for another bout is a whole different story. It is hard to rise to the challenge yet again.

The good news is that the Dr's are not overly concerned just very frustrated. The tumors are in the same general area which is good news. They have not migrated to parts of my body that can not be operated on and in the 14 months since I finished chemotherapy, there are new drugs on the market that have proven to be very effective. Apparently they are fairly mild but just as effective and because they are not as toxic as the last ones I was given, they can keep me on them for a long time (not sure if that is good news or not!)

So, I began another chemo regimen on Friday March 2nd and surgery is expected sometime within the next 3-9 months. I will be an out-patient this time, spending 2 consecutive Fridays in the out-patient clinic at Memorial Sloan Kettering followed by 1 Friday off. This is so much better than having to "live" in the hospital 3 days every 3-4 weeks! I can sleep in my own bed and it no longer feels like cancer is consuming your life…it is just a part of your life that you have to live with.

The Dr's feel that because I am young, strong etc., I should be able to tolerate these drugs really well. I should be able to work and "live" a normal life. I have been feeling great since my first treatment last Friday. In fact, they gave me some "energy" drugs and I ran 9 miles this past weekend so I guess you could say I am feeling really good!

Although I am an extremely positive person, I still can not help but see the irony in this situation. I become a role model for cancer…mentoring people who are struggling with the disease, raising money to assist with cancer research and what happens…it strikes again! This demonstrates what Dave and I have always felt…that cancer does not discriminate! It is a horrible disease that can happen to anyone, regardless of your health, socio-economic status or outlook on life. If I can serve as a living reminder to others that cancer must be cured, then I will feel that at least some good has come of this unfortunate news.

We will continue to keep you posted.

I sincerely apologize for not having written earlier. Dave and I are still recovering from the amazing, unbelievable, 1st annual Spin4Survival! The event, held on January 28th, 2007, was a 5-hour indoor cycle-a-thon to raise money for Dr. Maki and the entire sarcoma team at MSKCC. My local gym, Equinox Columbus Circle, was kind enough to host the event and we had 5 of the most popular in-demand cycling instructors in NYC dedicating their instruction talents for the day. The event had over 300 participants and we raised over $200,000 for MSKCC!!! Unbelievable!

When this idea was “born” in September 2006, Dave and I wondered if we were setting our sights too high if we aimed to raise $50,000. And then, as teams joined, as friends fundraised and as the word spread about how important raising money for cancer research is…our $50,000 goal became a thing of the past. On January 28th, we were thrilled to present Dr. Maki and his entire research team with a check for $210,000 (with a promise of more to come!) According to MSKCC, Spin4Survival was the most successful fundraiser organized by an individual patient in the hospital’s history!

Even better than the money raised…

• Than the product donated (by amazing sponsors like Balance Bar, Amino Vital, Glaceau Vitamin Water, Frito-Lay, Whole Foods and Domino’s Pizza)
• Than the the hundreds of raffle prizes (by great stores like LuLuLemon, Jamba Juice, Nike, Cold Stone Creamery, EquinoxFitness)
• Than the people who donated their services (a set of professional DJ’s, numerous massage therapists and personal trainers, a Videographer, a Photographer)

was the amazing, irreplaceable energy and love that was present at the gym that day. In my life, I have never participated in an event where every individual felt so personally responsible for the work that they had achieved and felt like they personally had made a REAL difference in the fight against cancer. In my thank you speech, I reminded everyone that within each of us we DO have the ability to make a difference and that every single participant and volunteer had proved that on January 28th.

Dave and I were most touched by the feedback that we received after the event. Here are some quotes that made our day:

“We should be the ones thanking you. Seriously, yesterday was a “magical” day for me and I genuinely appreciate you making it a reality”
– Vishal Bakshi & the entire Team Borakshi

“You should be incredibly proud of what you organized. Aside from the huge amount of money raised, you inspired everyone involved, got hundreds of people informed about sarcoma and MSK and hosted a REALLY fun event. Next year, the Flying Elvis Team is gunning for a bike in the “front row” (assuming our butts stop throbbing in the next 365 days)”
– Sharon and Todd Kristol

“We all loved every minute of it. THERE WAS NOTHING that you could have done better. Remember I produce commercials for a living. And you did a fabulous job of producing this event!
– Lana Penino and the Terrier Tri Team

“This was an amazing experience for me. My partner’s dad passed away from colon cancer three years ago this coming Thursday. This was a huge loss for me. The event was very emotional and really allowed me to connect with the loss and his dad.”
– John Malizkis

“It was my honor to participate. What you undertook and achieved is nothing short of amazing. I was beyond impressed, although expect nothing less from you, the most motivated go-getter I know! My favorite part of the day was knowing that it was all going on to help someone like you”
– Matt Spielman and the TRLinn Team

“You really made a difference. Is it too early to sign up for next year?!?”
– Jeff Glick of the Go Jo Team

We are in the process of getting a video made and posting all of the pictures somewhere on our web site. We will be sure to let you know.

Thank you again for making our dream a reality!

Hello,
I have not written in a while because I have been CONSUMED with planning a wonderful charity event to benefit the sarcoma research center at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. The event will take place on January 28th, 2007 and is called Spin4Survival.

As you know, during my 18-month ordeal (multiple surgeries, chemotherapy), I never stopped exercising. It was the one thing that made me feel empowered, alive and willing to keep on fighting against this dreadful disease.

In fact, I became a certified spinning instructor during my cancer treatments because I found the cycling program, and so many of the instructors at Equinox Fitness (my gym), so inspiring. It may sound a bit cheesy, but I believe that spinning saved my life.

A sport that enables you to compete against yourself and no one else is tremendously inspiring when your body is falling apart inside. There were some days I couldn’t spin for more than a few minutes, there were other days when I could spin for two hours and felt great. The truth of the matter is that I fell in love with an activity that enabled me to push myself to the best of my ability every day.

Since I became “cancer-free” in February, 2006, I have been focused on developing a charitable event that would be extremely meaningful and personal to me and help me raise much needed money for sarcoma research and I have found it… Spin4 Survival.

Please join me on January 28th, 2007 for a day that will surely lift your spirits, raise your heart rate and benefit cancer research.

It would mean a great deal for me to have you participate in any way. If you live nearby, you can create or join a cycling team or volunteer for the day of the event. If you live far away, you can support a cyclist or a team by donating to the cause.

Please check out spin4survival.org and email me with any questions.
THANK YOU,
Jen

It’s hard to believe that the summer is almost over. I have had such a wonderful past few weeks…playing golf with friends like Meg and Vishal, going to nice dinners with good friends and family, and attending the annual Goodman summer get-away in Wildwood, New Jersey. I’ve included a picture of Dave and I with our nephews both last year and this year. We’ve all grown so much over the past year…them physically and and Dave and I emotionally.

For the past 6 years, my mother and father have taken my nephews to the Jersey Shore for one week in August. It has become an annual tradition that Aunt Jen and Uncle Dave come to visit every time for the last few days. The weather is always beautiful and we always have such a wonderful time playing football and building castles in the sand, and going on rides on the boardwalk at night. This summer was no different, except that I found myself so grateful for begin able to make the trip. You see, I have been especially aware of the passage of time over the past few weeks since it was precisely at this time last year that I started my chemotherapy sessions.

The first of my chemotherapy sessions began August 15th of last year, about 10 days before my parents were set to take my nephews to Wildwood Crest. At the time, there was a lot of debate about whether my family should “leave me” for a week to take Ben and Shaun on their vacation. Not only did I insist that they go on their annual vacation, but I pledged, that with my Dr.’s permssion, that I would be visiting, as Dave and I always did, for the final weekend. I remember waiting anxiously every day after my first chemo session to see how I felt that day…I was determined to feel good enough to go…and I did. However, I remember very vividly that I was constantly out of breath (a sign that my blood cell counts were dropping); that my mouth was getting sore (another sign that my counts were dropping), and that I was beginning to see the first signs of hair loss. Nevertheless, it was a wonderful weekend.

It was very surreal for me to be in Wildwood again this year. I couldn’t believe that a year had gone by, and how much I, and my entire family, have learned in the past year. I used to be too busy to appreciate many moments…I spent a lot of my life rushing from one activity to the next without reflecting in how great it was just to be able to “experience”. When my nephews, Dave and I went on the boardwalk or played in the sand, I couldn’t help but be so happy and grateful for the ability to be there.

Wow, last year, we had no idea what the next year would hold. We had no idea if I would be well enough to join the family at the beach next year or if I would even be alive to join the family. I found myself smiling the entire time during those few days…and I’m sure that I will find myself doing that over the next 6 months…as I “compare” last year to this year.

It is remarkable how time can fly by so quickly…but also how much you can learn in such a short amount of time. I find myself waking up every day now thinking “what was happening to me last year at this time?” I am thrilled that the hospital visits, the shots, the side effects etc. are behind me…and I am also thrilled that the experience has taught me so many valuable life lessons…when you live in the moment, it is very easy to be completely happy.

Hello! Dave and I are really enjoying the summer. The past few weekends have been wonderful…visiting the beach, playing golf and attending a Mark and Andria’s beautiful wedding in Portland, Oregon. My personal highlight of the wedding weekend was playing in the golf tournament and winning the prize for longest drive (it doesn’t hurt that the women’s tees provided a huge advantage and I was the only woman playing in the tournament!). It was wonderful to see so many of our friends from business school. This past weekend was also meaningful to me because it marked my “coming out” party sans the wig. I had been psyching myself up for a long time, but since I really am not that pleased with how I like, it has been very hard for me to go without it. Slowly but surely I have been going to social functions without it but I still wear my wig to work. I guess it is a type of security blanket for me. To be honest, I am very disappointed with the realization that I am so vain. I really wish that I could take it off and still feel beautiful but it is absolutely amazing how I can go from feeling “pretty” with the wig to “fat and ugly” without it. I wish I was more evolved but I am getting there. I have a few friends in the haircare industry who tell me that for over 90% of women, there is a direct correlation between how they feel about their hair and their self-esteem. I guess I was secretly hoping that I was in the “unaffected” 10% but alas, this is not the case.
In other VERY EXCITING news, I had my 2nd CT scan last week and I am 6 months cancer-free! The Dr’s are very happy with the results and my parents are especially happy because have now passed the “mark” when I recurred after my last surgery (for those who remember, my cancer came back about 6 months after my first surgery). Yippee!! Lots of wonderful things are happening in our lives so I will be sure to write soon…our annual NJ shore weekend with my nephews, the unveiling of Cancer Chicks (don’t worry, I will explain), and a fantastic, memorable reunion with my college girlfriends.