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The past few weeks have been filled with a ton of great stuff! On March 24th, I was awarded with 9 other women to be New Jersey Woman of the Year! The award was an empowerment award presented to the woman in NJ who empowers others. You might wonder how we pulled that off given that I have not lived in New Jersey for 20 years but leave it to my publicist to make it happen (aka super mom). The award ceremony was held at Drumthwacket which is the name of the Governor’s Mansion in Princeton, New Jersey. I was very touched to receive this award but even more touched by the hard work that went into getting me nominated for this award. My rock star publicist (can you believe she works for free?!?) wrote a really beautiful essay about me and Dr. Maki as well as good friends, former bosses and colleagues all contributed. It’s so gratifying to know that I make such a difference in the lives of those I love. And I really loved that my grandmother made the trip and got to see me accept the award since I have learned so much about empowerment by watching her over the years.

And given that Passover is around the corner, I can use the phrase “Dayenu” at this time because it is very appropriate. Dayenu means “and if this were not enough”…yes, there is more!

After I won the award, I flew out to Los Angeles the next morning to attend my very first Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards! For those of you who wonder what I do in my new job, the following pictures will present you with a very “sexy” view. I schmooze, meet celebrities and try not to get slimed! The event was truly amazing! It is so great to see the brand that you work on “come to life” in such a creative way. Jack Black was the host and he was so, so funny! Afterwards I got to hang out in the VIP tent which was supercool! Many of my colleagues have worked at Nickelodeon for a long time so they were laughing at how excited I was to see it all come to life!

For those of you who are NOT “in the loop”, that’s Harrison Ford and Orlando Bloom getting slimed and pictures of me hanging out with Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine, Nim’s Island) and Emile Hirsch (Into the Wild, Speed Racer, The Girl Next Door). Quddus was there as well…he is the host of the new Nickelodeon dance show called Dance on Sunset. Oh, and there’s Miley Cyrus and Rihanna 🙂 Gotta go shmooze 🙂

I had a great birthday! I turned 21 for the 17th time and it was a great day.

I started the day off with a great spin class. Then, off to work where my parents came to visit and my co-workers threw me a great party with mimosas and ice-cream cake!

Dave and I went to a great Argentinian restaurant for dinner and ended up the day watching NCAA basketball. What a great day.

Unfortunately Duke lost the next day so I am no longer that excited about March Madness.

This coming Tuesday I am being awarded one of ten New Jersey Women of the Year awards and then I had off t Los Angeles for the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards. So, I promise to write a juicy update soon!

A short note to let you know that I had a really wonderful birthday. I turned 21 for the 17th time (that translated to the fact that I am 37 for those of you who aren’t great at math)!

The day was really wonderful. I started it off with a great spin class and then my co-workers surprised me with a great b’fast in the office. About 50 people attended and we had mimosas, bagels and ice-cream cake (my favorite!).

My mom and dad came to visit and met lots of my co-workers and took lots of pictures of my office.

After work, Dave and I went to a delicious dinner of Argentinian food and ended the night at my favorite place – Cold Stone Creamery! I had enough sugar that day to last a month.

We ended the night watching NCAA basketball. What a great day! Unfortunately Duke lost over the weekend so my happiness faded rather quickly.

This coming Tuesday I am officially awarded one of ten New Jersey Women of the Year awards and then I head to Los Angeles for Nickelodeon’s Kids Choice Awards.

As a birthday treat, my mom is spoiling me and taking me to Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA. We are also traveling there with my friend Tina along with her mom and sister. Tina and her family have been there many times so I jokingly call her my “Sherpa” — she will guide me and make sure I don’t go astray as I sign up for all of the wonderful activities that Canyon Ranch has to offer.

In order to make the most of your stay, Canyon Ranch asks each visitor to fill out an extensive “Health & Lifestyle Questionnaire”. How you answer the questionnaire helps the resort plan an individualized, highly customized, “once in a lifetime” stay for each visitor (their savvy marketing words which I respect and hope are true!)

I sat down this morning to fill out my questionnaire. I was answering the questions without much thought when suddenly the question “In general, how would you describe your health?” popped up. I had the choice of selecting, “Excellent”, “Good”, “Fair” or “Poor”. I quickly answered “excellent” and moved on. Dave looked over my shoulder and said “I don’t think you can say that you are in excellent health”….hmm, this is a dilemma.

How do I answer this question? In my heart and soul, I do feel excellent. Yes, I have occasional side effects from the chemo and yes I tend to sleep a lot at night. But my workouts have been solid, I eat well and I take very good care of myself. With the exception of cancer I am very healthy!

So, I guess the real question is, “how much of an exception is cancer?” It is hard for me to accept and truly believe that my body is not well. Before I was diagnosed in December, 2004 I felt very unhealthy. The fevers, night sweats and flu-like symptoms made me feel horrible. However, since we found the tumors 3+ years ago and have had a medical plan in place, most days I feel great!

I understand why I need to tell Canyon Ranch that I have cancer but can’t I still say that I rate my health as “excellent?” If my mind and body feel great, why does a condition or a word like cancer get in the way of how I describe myself to other people?

I spent all day today pondering how to answer the questionnaire. I decide to go with “Excellent” with an * that says I have been actively dealing with cancer for the past 3.5 years. Let Canyon Ranch interpret this as they will. I am being true to my “condition” but not allowing my condition to define who I am or how I feel!

That being said, I had a bit of a tough weekend with chemo. I went into my treatment on Friday with a cold which made the chemo a lot harder to handle. The nausea and exhaustion stayed with me for Friday night and most of Saturday but now I am back on my feet.

Heading to the gym now to stay true to my “excellent” health status.

Sunday, March 2nd is a very meaningful day for me. It marks exactly 1 year since I started chemotherapy for the 2nd time. It is hard to believe that for the past 52 weeks I have been getting chemotherapy practically every week. Dave took this picture last year on the first day of treatment #2.

In some ways my recurrence (I don’t like using the word relapse because it sounds like I had something to do with the cancer coming back) feels like it happened years ago and in some ways it feels like only yesterday.

I remember very vividly the shock, anger and disappointment I felt when Dr. Maki shared with me the fact that 2 tumors had reappeared and that I would have to go through even more chemotherapy…and that the chemotherapy would most likely last a much longer time.

I remember the anger that I felt when I learned that the new chemotherapy regimen I was going to be placed on would cause me to lose my hair. It had taken me more than a year to FINALLY accept my “new hair”. I had gone through months of feeling ugly, masculine etc. and I finally felt like my hair was morphing into some sort of style. I had finally gotten past the phase of “she is getting over cancer” hair and had evolved to the “she just has a cute, short hair cut” hair. And now, to be told that I would lose my hair again, and that down the road I would have to go through this whole “hair growing back” process again, it was too much to handle.

I remember wondering how I was going to possibly garner the mental and physical strength to go through this process yet again. I had put everything I had into my first round of treatments and surgery. To be told that I would have to find the strength to do it all over again really made me ask the question, “Do I have it in me to gear up for the fight?”

I remember having just been offered a new job opportunity and wondering whether I could really accept the position given this new diagnosis. Would a new workplace understand my situation and would I be healthy enough to take on a new job and thrive?

What’s amazing is that my first bout with cancer consisted of 2 surgeries and 6 months of chemotherapy. This second round, to date, has consisted of 1 surgery and 12 months of chemotherapy…and I’m not done yet.

It’s interesting to me that although this second round is lasting more than 2x as long as the first, I feel like the first round took much more out of me…physically and mentally. The second time has become more of a “routine” and I much more comfortable dealing with it.

In fact, I think it’s correct to say that everyone in my world has handled this second round with a maturity that we didn’t have the first time around. No longer do we obsess over every side effect I have or plan our lives around my next CT scan or treatment. In fact, I feel like over the past 6 months, I am able to go out to dinner with friends and family and we don’t even talk about my cancer. People no longer ask me “how-are-you-feeling-type” questions and this is great!

It’s amazing what someone can handle when they are told they don’t really have a choice. I believe my diagnosis is a testament to what the body and mind are capable of dealing with when giving up is not an option. If you had told me 3.5 years ago that I would be diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and that I would have to endure at least 3 surgeries and 18 months of aggressive chemotherapy, I don’t know what I would have done. It would have been way too overwhelming for me to even know how to handle. However, 3.5 years later, this is exactly what I have managed.

The irony is that I feel like I have not just managed this cancer but I have thrived throughout this diagnosis. Cancer has given me the opportunity to really test what I am made of…

To celebrate 1 year of non-stop chemo, I am going to take a 2 hour cycling class. As I sweat and struggle through the class, I will be reminded that despite the wear and tear of the chemo, I still am very much alive and thriving.

Have a great day! My favorite Spin4Survival pictures will be featured next!

It’s hard to believe that next week will be 1 Year since I started my second cycle of chemotherapy…March 2nd to be exact. I am so grateful that, with the exception of a few tough weeks along the way, I have been feeling really great. My doctors are reluctant to give me an end date and I have decided that I am not going to ask any more. I want to continue for as long as they thing is necessary and I don’t want my constant questioning regarding the end date to imply that I am not comfortable with continuing the regimen. If it comes to a point that I feel like I need to stop then I will let my doctors know but I want to do all I can to get rid of this cancer so I am signed up for the long haul.

As many of you know, I have been dabbling with writing a fun “cocktail-like” book about all of the STUPID, RIDICULOUS, NAIVE, ANNOYING things people say to you when you are dealing with cancer. The working title of the book is “I Know You Mean Well But…” because I know that no one ever means to say anything offensive. The book is a light-hearted humorous attempt to point out things that will be appreciated by cancer patients and gestures and comments that are anything but appreciated. I am purposely not using people’s names in the book because I want everyone who reads it to see themselves in the stories. I realize that I probably did so many things that were so annoying and not helpful before I had to deal with the situation myself. So, this book is to teach everyone how to be helpful…and to have a good laugh! And to all of my friends who have told me “I’m not saying anything because I am scared I will be in the book”, you’ll be happy to know that I will also be highlighting good behavior. So, keep talking 🙂

Over the past 3 years, I have accumulated about 50 stories of “bad behavior”. They range from the glaringly obvious:

• “You’re not going to die, are you?”
• “My friend’s, brother’s sister’s aunt had cancer and she had X symptom so you should watch out”
• “You had surgery during Christmas week and everything went OK? Wow, you’re lucky because everyone knows none of the good surgeons work that week.”
• “I thought Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center only accepted patients that were going to die.”

To the not so obvious:

• “If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know” (I have a lot on my mind already, please don’t give me the extra burden of finding something for you to do for me…just do something and I will appreciate it regardless)
• “You should really do X….” (advice can range from eating oatmeal, to taking Vitamin C to getting accupuncture to taking green tea enemas…you’d be amazed what people have recommended to me. You can make a suggestion but don’t push it on me.)
• “You’re going to be OK, right?” (don’t remind me of the odds and mysterious future of my illness…and if I’m not going to be OK, do I really want to talk about it?)

The reason why I am spending time talking about this now is because I had one of the most bizarre and inappropriate interactions at my gym yesterday. In the spirit of sharing what you should NEVER do, I thought I would share it with you all.

I was getting changed in the gym and my bandana off so I was completely bald. A woman across from me suddenly yelled “SHIT!” very loudly so I looked up. She went on for AT LEAST 2 MINUTES telling me how stupid she was for going in the steam room because she ruined the beautiful hair-do that she had gotten done in the morning. She talked on and on about how hair is so important in making someone look pretty and she now had ruined her “look” for an event she had to attend in the afternoon.

I stood there speechless not really knowing what to say. When she finished her rant, she said “thank you for letting me vent.”

I said, “No problem but it is a bit of an odd vent to share with someone who clearly has no hair”.

She looked at me and said, ” I was so caught up in my own issues that I didn’t even notice that you are bald. You poor thing, how do you do it?”

At this point, I got very uncomfortable and tried to avoid her badgering questions of “Are you going to be OK? What type of cancer do you have?” She asked for my name so that she could pray for me. I told her that my name was Jennifer and I would appreciate if we could end the conversation and go about our business.

She said “Oh, I know you’re going to be OK…not like my friend who died of cancer last year.”

I told her that in her effort to help me, she is making things worse with every comment. I told her that the best thing she can do is to “zip it” and just tell me that I am in her thoughts and prayers.

She completed the conversation by saying “Thank you so much for teaching me what is appropriate. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts. God Bless You MICHELLE!”

The woman was such a narcissist that she couldn’t even listen to me and learn from me…and hear my name! I guess I am grateful that I can laugh about such things…and to all the Michelle’s out there…some crazy woman has you in her prayers!

I am feeling so, so great after getting back from a really relaxing week in Puerto Rico. Dave and I definitely needed some R&R; after all of the craziness of Spin4Survival. The hotel was gorgeous and the weather was truly beautiful.

Dave and I used the week to really get back in shape. We slept a lot, ate very healthy (except for a few Pina Coladas!) and exercised every day for a few hours. I found that the heat really, really helped my joints. I absolutely love swimming as it has really helped my flexibility. The cumulative effect of the chemotherapy has made me very stiff and “tight”. I find that swimming is great for relaxing my muscles. Every morning or evening, I swam in the hotel’s lap pool for an hour and I loved it.

As many of you remember, I was getting very dehydrated and swollen from the weekly treatments I have been receiving (thanks to all of you who commented on the chutzpah I displayed for posting the picture of my swollen legs 🙂 . I noticed that by mid-week I was able to “sweat” regularly and that I had lost a lot of the water weight I had gained. As a result, I had a ton more energy which was great!

I was a bit concerned that the stiffness and bloatedness would return when we got back to NYC but so far so good! I haven’t needed any energy shots and my workouts have been great. I feel like my old self. Let’s hope it lasts.

In other important news, I started my new job this past week and I couldn’t be more excited about it!

I am the Senior Vice President of Brand Marketing of Nickelodeon/MTVN Kids & Family Group. On my first day of work they took this corporate head shot and released a formal press release to announce what I will be doing. Here are some excerpts:

“Nickelodeon/MTVN Kids and Family Group has named Jennifer Goodman Linn to the position of Senior Vice President (SVP) of Brand Strategy and Marketing . The announcement was made by Pam Kaufman, Chief Marketing Officer, Nickelodeon/MTVN Kids and Family Group, to whom Ms. Linn will report. Ms. Linn is responsible for implementing both short- and long-term strategies to promote Nickelodeon properties and overall company initiatives. She will also oversee the planning, marketing and advertising for various Nickelodeon/MTVN Kids and Family Group brands and properties including SpongeBob SquarePants, Dora the Explorer, The Naked Brothers Band, and iCarly, among others.

“Jennifer comes from a background of developing long-term, strategic plans for some of the biggest Fortune 500 companies,” said Ms. Kaufman. “As we continue to evolve our business and reach new audiences, Jennifer will be a huge asset in making sure we have consistent marketing messages across all our platforms.”

Ms. Linn will serve as a central representative of Nickelodeon’s brand positioning to develop a long-term brand vision, and ensure that it is carried out and communicated across all the company’s lines of business. She will also provide creative direction for all on- and off-channel promotions marketing efforts and spearhead the company’s multicultural marketing. Ms. Linn will also oversee the advertising process – from creative production, to media placement – for the several Nickelodeon divisions including consumer products; affiliate marketing; recreation; digital; and magazine groups. “

I am looking forward to spending my days contemplating the future of Sponge Bob and Dora the Explorer! I am also looking forward to seeing how all of my friends kiss my butt so that I get stuff for their kids 🙂 The first week has been great with the biggest challenge figuring out what color I want to have my office painted. I am thinking of a lavender gray…an intellectual yet calming color!

January 27th was an outstanding day! All in all the 2nd annual Spin4Survival raised over $640,000 for cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. We had over 120 teams involved from around the world! Over 500 people “geared up to battle cancer” at Equinox Columubus Circle in an 8 hour bonanza of sweat. People had such a great time and everyone left feeling so inspired. Here are a few quotes to give you a sense of how magical the day was:

“I Just wanted to say congratulations again on such a fantastic event – fun, inspirational and incredibly well-organized! When you were speaking and presenting MSKCC with the (unbelievable!!) check, it all really hit me. And I was not the only teary-eyed one in the audience. I feel honored to have been a part of it, and I am already training for next year.”

“I can honestly say that I do not know a single person who would not be thrilled and honored to partake in next year’s spin4survival.”

“Unimaginable inspiration paired with uncontrollable perspiration”

“What a great day we all had on Sunday. Everyone is raving about S4S- you made a truly miraculous event come together. It was a blast and a huge success on so many levels. The positive energy was deliciously palpable – we are already training for next year”

“Seeing the time, commitment, enjoyment, and most of all THE ENERGY the spinners, and volunteers put into this great day uplifted the spirits not only of the members, but the staff as well. What a terrific cause for raising money, and awareness to fight this terrible disease!”

“Not only was I inspired by the day but I really felt that I personally made a difference in the lives of cancer patients at MSKCC. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to make a difference”

Dave and I are THRILLED that the event was such a success. THANK YOU to every person who participated in any way. It is amazing to realize that each and everyone of us has the ability to make a difference in the world. Stay tuned for more pictures and stories! Dave and I are off for a much-needed week of R&R; in Puerto Rico. I plan on finding a nice chaise lounge at the pool and not moving for the entire 7 days!

Multiple Choice Question The above image depicts the following:
a. an elephant’s skin
b. rolls of dough
c. Jen’s legs from the cumulative effect of her chemo drugs

Unfortunately the answer is “C”. While I am happy to be able to “blame” my bloatedness on something other than indulging too much over the holiday season, it is extremely depressing and frustrating to be retaining this much water. My pants don’t fit…by the end of the day, my legs are twice the size as they were in the morning. In fact, it is hard to differentiate the top of my legs from the bottom of my legs. I have taken to calling myself “stump”.

I have been experiencing a lot of odd side effects over the past few weeks (bloatedness, inability to sweat during workouts, dehydration, soreness of my arms and legs and rapid heart beats). The good news is that when I visited Dr. Maki this past week for my chemo appointment, he explained that this all made sense to him and he was not alarmed. Apparently, one of my drugs is known to cause weight gain and bloatedness over time. The drug makes you dehydrated and makes you retain a great deal of water. You have a hard time sweating it out because you are dehydrated but the more you drink, the more bloated you become! My rapid heart rate is just my body working harder to pump blood since my cells are so dehydrated.

It looks like he will take me off this 2nd drug and just continue with the one chemo drug for the next few months.

At first I was alarmed that we would be stopping the 2nd chemo drug. Although I am vain and being “heavy” really bothers me, I told him that I am willing to continue if he thinks it is in my best interest. What he explained is that, in fact, it is dangerous to continue once you get swollen because I could also be retaining water in my lungs. Most people last on this 2nd drug for 4-5 months and I have been able to make it to about 10 months. So, he feels fairly confident that I have made it pretty far.

Unfortunately it make take 2-3 months for me to get rid of this swelling. I think I will wear a sign on my head that says “from chemo, not cookies” 🙂

I told Dr. Maki 3 years ago when we started this journey that I would accept being BALD or FAT but not both 🙂 Hopefully, in a few months, I will just go back to being bald again.

Have a great week!

Today is December 26^th and I am sitting in the day surgery area of NYU Hospital waiting for an update. I am happy to report that I am not the patient this time and that it is Dave who is having minor outpatient surgery. It makes sense to me that Dave’s surgery was set for December 26^th…exactly 3 years ago on this date, I met with Dr. Vine of Mt. Sinai and scheduled surgery for what I thought was a benign tumor in my abdominal area.

This time of year is always a bit hard for me. Although I try to push the memories to the back of my mind, I am constantly reminded that three years ago the last few weeks of December were flooded with Doctor’s appointments, CT scans, MRI’s, medical procedures, night sweats, fevers and violent coughs that led to my cancer diagnosis.

In many ways, I feel like I have progressed so much…
Three years ago, I could barely get through a Christmas movie without being thrown out of the theatre for disturbing people with my violent coughing. This year, Dave and I enjoyed a few movies without incident (although we didn’t make it to the late night showing because I was tired from chemo).

Three years ago I couldn’t get through the night without changing the sheets and my pajamas at least twice due to night sweats. Last night, I slept 9 hours straight no problem.

Yes, I now wear wigs, receive chemo weekly and have a medical port in my chest and titanium clips in my stomach, but I am no longer “in the dark” as this is the life I have now accepted and embraced.

And in many ways, I feel like there is still so much that scares me…
In the past two months, two patients of Doctor Maki’s (and friends of mine), have died of sarcoma. Although I did not know these people very well, I would often see Carol and Michael during my weekly chemotherapy treatments. The older I get, the more I realize that you don’t need to know someone well to feel connected to them. It’s funny to me how in our society we often measure how well we know someone by the “facts” or “trivia” that we can collect about them:

• How many brothers or sisters they have…
• Where they went to college…
• What is their favorite food…

The truth is, understanding the way someone approaches a difficult situation and seeing them in “action”, can make you close to someone in an instant. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know Mike or Carol’s favorite restaurant or when they got married, I knew that they had been dealt the cancer card and that they were going to do everything in their power to fight like hell to survive this ordeal. The fact that these two feisty, determined people lost their battle to cancer makes me realize that cancer doesn’t discriminate. It is also a constant reminder that I am so fortunate to have been able to stay on the “good” side of this disease for 3 years now. I don’t know why Michael and Carol were not as fortunate…we had the same doctor, similar financial resources, similar attitudes. It is scary to realize that “luck” is the answer…something over which I have no control.

December 30^th is the 3^rd annual “Day of Jen”…the three year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. I am going to be spending it with my friend of 20+ years Rita. It will be a day to celebrate how far I’ve come and a day to embrace how lucky I have been and hope to continue to be.

Happy New Year to everyone. May 2008 be an incredible year for each and every one of you. I wish you health, happiness and the time to enjoy them.