Category Archives: Uncategorized

Chemotherapy Reject


I guess all of the excitement and craziness from the event has caught up with me.  I went to get my weekly “spa treatment” and I was turned away due to low white blood counts.  There isn’t really much the Dr’s can do about that except tell you to sleep and eat well and come back next week and try again. I was frustrated by this news because it has only happened to me 2-3x over the past few years.  Oh well, when you’ve had chemotherapy on and off for 4 years I guess it is bound to happen (I don’t like to admit that my body gets worn down more easily but it is the truth).  

 
So this week I am trying very heard to take it easy.  The 3 day weekend has been making it very nice. I have been spending most of the weekend catching up on the huge pile of tasks that have accumulated since Cycle for Survival completed (and the tasks that I haven’t paid attention to for months because of Cycle!).  Today, I am personally signing all of the team captain letters. It is very important for me to thank each and every person but the good news is that we had over 225 teams this year. So, to write a personal letter to each is TIRING!
 
The highlight of the week BY FAR was attending Barbie’s 50th Anniversary Fashion Show at Bryant Park.

 

I was a huge Barbie fan growing up.  So huge in fact, that beyond having the Dream House, the pool. the plane, the car, the van and every other accessory I could get my hands on, I actually was a finalist in a Barbie Designer contest about 30 years ago.  We got to wear our “Barbie designs” in a fashion show and the winner actually got their costume made into an actual Barbie outfit.  I wore this hideous plaid jumper that was my Purim costume but I still got to walk the runway and meet Sarah Jessica Parker who was the judge (she was Annie on B’way at the time).
 

Barbie is making a BIG DEAL out of the anniversary and they are planning a ton of historical, buzz worthy events.  Everything from building a real version of Barbie’s Dream House in Malibu, CA to hosting an “over the top” fashion show during fashion week where famous designers create outfits for Barbie.  Over 50 designers created design tributes to honor the iconic, timeless style of Barbie. It was amazing!  Pam and I attended and everywhere we looked there was another designer or a celebrity.

 
Among the designers honoring Barbie were Diane von Furstenberg, Michael Kors, Tommy Hilfiger, Vera Wang, Nanette Lepore, Badgley Mischka, Katherina Malandrino, Anna Sui, Kimmora Lee, Marchesa, Carmen Marc Valvo, Kenneth Cole, Donna Karan, Monique Lhuillier, Betsey Johnson, Nicole Miller, Juicy Couture and Rag and Bone (to name a few).
 
Oh, and who is that sitting right across from me but Heidi Klum!  Pam had to hold me back from telling Vera Wang that she was the best part of my wedding day (and I had to hold Pam back from telling Tory Burch that she was her idol!)  It was great fun. Now, if I could only figure out how to create a fashion show for SpongeBob Square Pants…

A Fresh Start…6 Floors Down

Dave and I have been looking to buy an apartment for a while now. However, once my cancer returned, we decided to put the search on hold.  We didn’t want to be closing on an apartment or in the process of moving when I might be having surgery or recuperating.  We also figured out that the buyer market should hopefully become even more favorable over time. So, long story short, we decided that although we weren’t going to be buying a place, we still wanted a larger space for the near term. 

 
Luckily, a bigger apartment opened up in the building and we had about 4 days after we returned home from vacation to pack up, paint and move into 
our new home…apartment 9D.  The apartment is really nice and now that we can look back with most of the moving behind us, we can appreciate it.  However, it was not easy getting there.  You don’t realize how much STUFF you accumulate until you are moving.  Dave and I purged a ton of things and we are thrilled that we have a lot less clutter.  However, we also wanted to buy a lot of things and it was amazing how much effort it takes to pick out exactly what you want.  

 

  • Does the sofa come in the shape and the fabric that I like (the answer is ‘no’ and it will take 12 weeks to custom order the one you like)?  
  • How come the dining room table that I want is no longer available at the warehouse? 
  • How come the couch that we wanted to put in our 2nd bedroom doesn’t fit?  
  • How come determining what size flatscreen TV to buy is the HARDEST decision a guy makes next to buying an engagement ring?
I guess I shouldn’t complain. It is actually nice to obsess about something beyond cancer!
 
Well, the good news is that we are slowly but surely making decisions and it looks like by about April our apartment will look presentable to the public. I am just hoping that my surgery is not scheduled before then.
 
Of course we scheduled our move for the same day that I had chemotherapy which was a great move. I got to leave the chaos for a few hours. I have never been as happy to get chemo in my life 🙂   I promise to write again as soon as I can find myself through the sea of moving boxes!

Just What the Doctor Ordered

St. Maarten was just what the doctor ordered!  Dave and I were on such a high from the event that it felt a bit like our wedding!  We spent the entire vacation reliving special moments from the day and making a list of all of the things we can do to make the 2010 event bigger and better (is that possible?!?).

The good news is that there is really nothing to do on the island of St. Maarten so we had no choice but to do NOTHING.  The weather was great and our days consisted of sleeping, exercising, eating and reading on the beach.  My friend Kim gave me the entire T

 

wilight Series by Stephanie Meyer and I was addicted.  I got through the first book in 2 days and was so upset that I didn’t have the second book with me. Luckily, there was a woman on the beach who had just finished the second book so she let me borrow it.  Those books are the perfect beach read.
The vacation was a much needed break after the craziness of getting ready for Cycle For Survival.  I will make sure to post pictures and video from the event as soon as I have them.
On the way home from vacation, the reality hit us that we are going to be moving into a new apartment in our building later on this week.  Yikes!  It’s a good thing that we had a few days of R&R.;

 

WE DID IT! $1 Million Dollars for Research on Orphan Cancers!

Yesterday was beyond words!  Dave and I are about to take off for a much needed week in St. Maarten to recover and I am hoping that by the time I return home, I will be able to express our emotions into words.

 
Above is a great picture of some of the survivors presenting a $1MM check to the MSKCC doctors, and below is the link to the news segment that played on CBS on Sunday night. 
When you get to the page, you might need to click on the miniature box that has the Cycle for Survival logo that is located ABOVE the video screen on the left side of the page.

Such Exciting Press

Dr. Maki and Were on WABC this past Sunday talking about Cycle For Survival. Check it out!  Hoping to be on Fox News, NY One and Good Day New York later this week.  Please continue to send the links and spread the word!

Nasdaq Opening Bell Ceremonies

Check these pictures out! An amazing, exciting experience. I will post the video of Nasdaq’s presentation and my acceptance speech as soon as I have it in digital format. Yahoo!

It’s all About The Approach

I am sitting here reviewing in my mind the last week and I am wondering, “is it possible that with all that I am going through, I could experience one of the most wonderful, satisfying, successful weeks I have had in years?”  

It would seem odd that I would consider my first week back to work (after having a wonderful 2.5 weeks off) and my 2nd week heading into chemotherapy a wonderful week.  But, I must admit I had so many great things happen.  It serves as another reminder that how you approach a situation is often how the situation winds up.  I went into this week with a clear plan and I really lived day by day…and it worked out for me.  Here are some of the highlights:
 
Work Has Been Great
I went back to work on Monday with a bit of trepidation. The night before I returned, I had written a “rules of the road” to myself.  This was basically a set of guidelines that I was planning on taking my boss and my team through to make sure that I was taking care of myself (as well as attending to my work responsibilities) while I was dealing with the cancer.  The “rules” were nothing out of the ordinary (taking off on the days I have chemo; getting out of work by 6:15PM every night; taking a hard look at all of my meetings to decide which ones were really critical; asking my team to step up and take on some of the workload that I had been doing) but  I wasn’t sure how people would react and if I would truly be able to put these rules into practice.  The wonderful thing is that I was met with an outpouring of support when I returned back to work and EVERYONE is extremely committed to helping me make the “rules” a reality.  I did manage to be extremely effective this week at work while still leaving at the time I had proposed every night.  I kept on saying to myself, “Hey, months from now when I am cancer-free, I think I still am going to make these rules apply”.  I find my life to be much more manageable, my stress to be more in check and my productivity to be much higher when I keep to these rules.
 
My House is Starting to Become A Home
In the past few months, Dave and I have started to get more serious about buying an apartment. The real estate market is getting more favorable for buyers and for a long time, we have wanted to move into a bigger place. We love the location of where we live now so we had been trying to find a place within a few blocks of our current home.  Originally, we had thought we would buy something early in the New Year but with the news of my relapse, we decided that the last thing we needed was to worry about buying commitments while I was going through chemo, having surgery etc.  So, we decided to put off buying a place until the surgery is behind me and we have a better sense of my treatment plan.  I was fine with this decision but I also realized that unconsciously I have spent the past few years going out of my way NOT to invest in our current place because I always said “Why buy nice furniture now when we are going to move into a new apartment?” or “Why replace that couch that I hate when we will have a new place in the near future?”  As a result, I have slowly but surely started to feel like our home is more of a house.  I love the location but don’t love the apartment.  I wanted an upgrade and with Dave working from home we are getting a bit cluttered.  In the spirit of “every day matters” and “what’s the point of waiting?”, Dave and I approached our building and it turns out that a larger apartment is available for us to move into.  This will afford us more space, give Dave more room to work and me more room to recuperate from my treatments and surgery.  In the spirit of “starting over”, we are purging many things in our apartment that we never use and we are going to redecorate.  I didn’t realize how happy this made me until we made the decision.  We will be moving into this apartment in early February, a week after Cycle for Survival.  Nothing like being busy!…And Speaking of Cycle for Survival
 
Cycle for Survival Continues to be One of the Most Rewarding Experiences of Our Lives
I am in awe of how the event continues to grow in terms of popularity.  As of today, we have 190 teams signed up to be onsite and another 15 or so satellite teams that will be riding across the country (Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, Denver, Seattle, Austin).  We have gotten great press for the event and it turns out that in the next week, Dave and I will be filmed to appear on Good Day New York and New York One News. We will also be ringing the Nasdaq opening bell this Monday morning with representatives from MSKCC and Equinox. How exciting!
I had a moment of pure joy and satisfaction this week when I was asked to be the motivational speaker at Equinox Fitness’ Annual Sales Forum Meeting.  Every January Equinox gathers the managers from their 85+ locations together to talk about performance goals for the year.  Every year they ask an outstanding member to share their story and I was THRILLED to play that role this year.  I spoke for about 10 minutes about why I view Equinox as my 2nd family and how wonderfully supportive they have been through my four year battle and my development of Cycle For Survival. When I finished my speech, there wasn’t a dry eye in the audience and I was given a 2 minute standing ovation!  At one moment during the speech, I realized that this is exactly the moment that I was hoping to have…when we created Cycle For Survival 2 years ago, I NEVER thought I would be able to spend in front of a national fitness company and get them excited about expanding the event into multiple locations.  I’ve come a long way baby!  They videotaped the speech so I am hoping to get a copy to post on the blog shortly.
 
I visited one of my favorite cycling classes this week and the instructor Matt declared that his motto for 2009 is 2009…and Feeling Fine!  I loved it and decided to take it on as my own mantra for the year.  I am praying and hoping that 2009 is the year that I continue to feel great and the year that I finally kick cancer’s butt.
 
Dave and I continue to be so appreciative of out outpouring of support we have received from so many of you.  Please keep the well wishes coming and continue to spread the word about Cycle for Survival.
 

Is this Really a Step Forward?

Today is Friday and I made sure to get in a good workout before Dave and I headed to MSKCC for my first treatment of Round #4.  Just as I was leaving the gym, the theme from Rocky came up on my iPod and I took it as a sign that I was ready for the fight.

The chemo was fine. It was a bit odd going back to where I spent so many months.  Although I felt liked I had changed so much in the past 6 months, I realized that little hand changed in the hospital:  the phlebotomists (aka people who take your blood) and the chemo nurses were all familiar faces and I was greeted with hugs and bittersweet expressions such as “it’s so great to see you but not here…”.
The chemo lounge on the 5th floor of the 53rd street clinic became my 2nd home for 16 months in the past and I am ready to make it my home again.  It is nice to be in a familiar place and I realize that there is no more “newness” to my cancer.  However, sometimes I can’t help but feeling that I am on a bit of a merry-go-round that is going in circles versus pushing anything forward.  Let’s hope this time is truly different!
I am getting the same two drugs as I did last time so the routine is pretty familiar and easy. The only difference is that they are giving me the drugs in a slightly different timetable so that I might be able to tolerate them more easily (same dosage just stretched out differently).
I got home at about 3PM and took a great nap. Besides a fair amount of nausea and a queasy stomach, I am feeling pretty good.  Now the steroids are kicking in and I am wide awake at 1:36AM (hence this blog posting).    I am going to try to go to back to bed.
In the meantime, I wanted to post a lovely poem that a friend sent me about cancer.  It gave me great strength and spirit as I headed to the hospital this morning.
What Cancer Can Not Do
Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot Suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Life
It cannot conquer the spirit

It’s Alright to Cry – Prepping for Battle #4

Although it is unfortunate that the cancer is back, the timing couldn’t be better. I was off from work due to the holidays so I was able to spend 2+ weeks at home taking care of myself.  I got a ton of things crossed off my “to do” list and I managed to do a lot of sleeping, exercising and reading.  It was just what I needed. 

I realized over the past two weeks that I was living with consistent, low-level sadness and anger.  I would start tearing up at the most unexpected times. Some of my favorites are:
  • When a really motivating or inspiring song started playing on my iPod at the gym
  • During certain parts of movies (that weren’t even meant to be sad
  • While visiting Edward, my wig guru, who confirmed that I would most likely lose my hair for the 3rd time
  • At Whole Foods when I bought sushi and realized that I most likely would have to severely limit my intake of raw foods over the indefinite months ahead
I know that these episodes are perfectly healthy and are part of the grieving process.  Hey, I grew up with Free to Be You and Me when Rosey Grier sang:
It’s Alright to Cry
Crying Gets the Sad out of You
It’s Alright to Cry
It Might Make You Feel Better
 
Raindrops from Your Eyes
Washing all the Mad out Of You
Raindrops from Your Eyes
 It’s Gonna Make you Feel Better
 
However it was amazing to me how many people went out of their way to insist that I not be sad during the past two weeks.  It was as if sadness is a bad thing and it hurt THEM and worried THEM to see me sad.  What I kept on explaining to friends and family is that I truly NEEDED to spend the last 2 weeks mopey and sad and alone in order to gather up the strength to start another round of treatment.  I knew what I needed to do (go through the lows to find the strength to get to the high
s).  And I am happy to say that when Friday rolls around, I will be ready!
 
I also would be remiss if I didn’t praise the therapeutic powers of retail therapy  My friend Leah and I went to the Woodbury Commons outlets and since America is basically on sale, I got to exercise my shopping muscles.  You know you are grasping for straws when you ome home with 10 shopping bags and you say to your husband, “Honey it’s not about how much I SPENT it’s about how much I SAVED”.  I am fortunate to have a husband who truly understands what a great pair of shoes (or pairs of shoes, and a jacket and a few dresses) can do to lift a girl’s spirits.
 
I had the medi-port reinserted in my chest this past Wednesday.  For those of you who have read my earlier journal entries, you know that I really disliked this device.  It is great in that it gives the nurses quick access to your veins (and with 22+ months of chemo, there are no veins to tap into in my arms anymore so I don’t have a choice).  What I don’t like about it is that it is a constant reminder that I am dealing with cancer.  Oh well, I rose to the occasion.
 
Although the port insertion is a minor 30-45 minute procedure, I seem to forget how much it hurts for the few days afterwards.  Your chest and rotator cuff are extremely stiff and it is hard to lift your arm, sleep or carry anything more than a few pounds.
 
I got the medi-port in the AM of 12/31 thinking that I would sleep all day and then head out for a New Year’s Eve party.  As it turned out, I sent Dave to the party we were supposed to attend and I spent the evening eating Froot Loops and falling asleep by 11:30. However, I am approaching 2009 with a spirit of optimism and determination.  May 2009 be the year of kicking cancer for good!
 
I will write again after Chemo Session #1 on Friday.